Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
