On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
