Don't make out with my wife yet
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
