defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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