I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
