Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
