i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
