Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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