I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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