i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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