still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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