my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
