I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
