He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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