i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
