You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
