She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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