dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
