I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
