420 ftw
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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