I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
