Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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