before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
