So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
