i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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