i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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