yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
