you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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