Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
