saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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