I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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