I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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