dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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