Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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