sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
