sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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