Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize