i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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