I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
