There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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