You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
