So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
