Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
