Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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