Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
