You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
