gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
