I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
