My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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