You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
