I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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