69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
