if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
