I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
