I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
