how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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