you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
