The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
