Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
