someone threw a dead crab at me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
