To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
