I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
