So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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